Dear Dad

Dear Dad, I know you worry about me and my fandoms. And I can understand why. After all, I don't want to lose my grip on my sanity either. But the problem is, Dad, is that I owe all these people something.

In high school, I owed my life to video games. They saved me from finding other, more destructive forms of escape. I hid how hard I was hurting from you and Mom pretty well. But I was desperate, Dad. Desperate for someone, anyone, to care about me. So that's why they're a permanent part of me now, better than a scar, but less than a tattoo. Which I don't want anyways. So I owe them the adventures we went on together, and I need to share them with the world.

Ponies came to me when my own friendships were suffering. I learned what my friendships should be, and seeing how drastically wrong they were at the time. Ponies brought me a friend, one that is irreplacable, and I owe them the same Loyalty they emphasize in the show. Ponies have been a beacon I can turn to when my times get dark. I can't tell you how many times Smile has made my crappy day just a little bit better.

Lindsey came to me last year, and in that year, she has become a huge inspiration to me, for me. She emulates so many positive qualities that we share...and I think about how I'm not sharing them. How I'm too worried that others won't like what I have to offer. How daring she is, how willing to take risks she is. Something I know I need to do more of. The funk I got in over the summer was helped a little by her music, but I needed to meet her, to watch her live, to hear her play, just for me, to snap me out of that funk. She gave me back my motivation. Who knows where I could have ended up if I hadn't seen her? I know I'd be living with the regret that I missed the chance to see her live. I owe her something, Dad. I have to pay her back for what she did for me. She saved me.

Dad, you may not understand how I feel about all my fandoms. And that's okay. You don't have to. But I do want you to understand that I owe all these people, real and fake, something, because they saved my life. They brought me out the darkness. They have kept me from straying further into it, into a place where I might not be the same person anymore. I consider all these people my friends, even if they're not real. While you may not have been there, they were there during those times when I felt alone. They provided a safe place where I didn't have to deal with Mom potentially dying. I could be myself. And that was the greatest gift I was given by them.

And I'm going to forever be indebited to them for saving my life. But I'm okay with that debt. It's high time I started paying it back. Without all these people, Dad, you wouldn't have...me.