Origins Part 4: The Other Half of the Elephant

Where were we? Oh yes, the trailer for Brawl. Needless to say, the first time I saw that, I felt shivers down my spine from the theme music, and the way each character was animated...it filled me with that longing again, that longing that I  needed to have it. I became obsessed.

Everyday after school, I'd rush over to the computer to the Smash Bros. Dojo, the official game page, and see what new updates were added. Sometimes, it was just an item that you would be able to use in the game. Other times, it was a new stage you'd be Brawling on. My favorite updates were the ones concerning the games single player mode, The Subspace Emissary.

Ever since I had been little, I'd always been combining my favorite TV show universes into one mega-verse where they became super heroes and had to save the day from the neverending supply of villains. Subspace Emissary was exactly what I daydreamed: A bunch of universes crossing over into one, and all the heroes teaming up against an ultimate evil. Every cutscene I'd watch I kept getting more and more excited. The graphics were beautiful, and I felt like if I just went one step closer, I'd be in this fantastical world.

This is what I did when the game got its release date. I did this over the course of a month, and then later, after Brawl came out, I colored it. Not my best work, but I was still just staring out.

 



I remember the day I got Brawl. I had gone to school, Monday, thinking about how badly I wanted Brawl now that it was out. I went home while my parents went to Wal-Mart. My dad called me later, telling me that there was one more copy of Brawl left. I told him to get it while I rushed to finish my math homework. I couldn't believe it. The universe I had been checking up on constantly for over a year was finally about to be mine.

 

It was around this time my mother was doing very well. I thought that cancer was now over, and I would never have to deal with it ever again. Well, I was wrong. Later in the year, she discovered it had come back, only not in her brain, but it began to show up in other places in her body. She had to go to Las Vegas to receive a special kind of chemotherapy that took a week to endure. For me, that meant a week with my sister.

 

Now, I love my sister. She is amazing. But this is when my world got very dark. I felt like no one cared about me. I didn't matter in the slightest. The only person that mattered was my mom, because she was sick. No one knew how badly I was hurting. I felt alone and I felt unimportant. I just wanted friends I could trust. My sister didn't like Smash Bros, so I had to turn to Mario Kart when I stayed with her. That was fine with me. I got good at Mario Kart. My favorite part was if I wasn't going to win first place, I could quit and start over again. You can't do that in real life.

 

I did get lucky, though, and I found friends that I felt safe and at home with. They gave me hope, they got me out of the house, and they helped me to keep from becoming one of those video game nerds who live in their parents' basement and never see the light of day. Ironic right? How I became less of a nerd while becoming more of a nerd. Mostly because most of my friends are just as nerdy as me. Granted, I'm probably the most versed in video games among my friends, but that's okay. You gotta have the nerdy one, right?

But this nerdy one held a secret: her mother was dying. And try as she might, she couldn't ignore it forever. And eventually, her worst fear became realized on July 25, 2010. In a way, my mother's death was a blessing. She had been suffering for almost three years, and towards the end, I could see in her eyes that she was tired of fighting. That she wanted to just be done with this.

So there's the elephant. Video games became my escape and my therapy. They inspired me to keep going on, to just take one more day. Now, of course, I consider many of the characters my friends, albeit my imaginary ones. They have been with me since the beginning of this whole ordeal, and I doubt I would have gotten through it without them.

They kept me from find other means of escape: drugs, alcohol, self-harm. I could have easily found relief in those things, and, I might not even be here if it wasn't for my video game friends. I'd rather be addicted to something that inspires me to keep going on than to be addited to something that's slowly killing me.

To me, video games aren't just a hobby, they're my personal life saver. And I'm not about to give them up any time soon.

Edit: Sorry this one took so long to post. I had a hard time admitting the elephant in the room. But I admitted it now, so...yeah, we can move on